Left at the Alter

I began to crave his presence. Things were so easy with him. If I told him I had plans he would fall back. He had shit to do which was relieving. He was a perfectionist and would re-write his speeches five to ten times before he would trust them. He was also working on a book, so it wasn’t just me that was always busy, but he was better at being busy than me. He didn’t forget or pass on people when he was busy. I always got a quick text. Always asked if I needed anything which outside of lunch, I never really did but it was nice to know that I was being thought about. Especially by someone who was renting space in my head. 

Our relationship ramped up quickly. Turns out despite Elijah being a social worker, he did mostly consultations and was nearing the halfway mark of his two-year break from school. He was headed for his Doctorate. He lived with his newly widowed Uncle that everyone affectionately referred to as Uncle Day. He was actually his grandmother’s brother who had helped raise them after his own mother succumbed to self-inflicted wounds and his father did the old walk out dance. Apparently, the coward didn’t even show up at the funeral. 

He did not get that from his father. His show up and show out game was impeccable. Marla and I decided to throw a free art event for 50 Atlanta inner city girls as part of what we called “When one wins, we all win.” Elijah found out early in the planning stages and decided to find a few women in his field who would come talk to the girls. He was a phenomenal speaker but understood my theme was woman empowering women. He also had a lot of experience with fund raising and grant work and assisted us with securing finances. In the end, we were able to turn our initial one-day event into a 3-day event that we could still offer for free. Marla and I had saved up some money to go towards the event and ended up not needing any of it thanks to him.  I couldn’t believe we pulled this off. This was worth way more than 100 points. I kept my promise and packed my bags for a weekend getaway. It was completely spontaneous and not like me at all, but I was impressed. 

He said he just wanted quiet space where the two of us could get to know each other better. We settled on a rented a cabin up in TN. It was close enough to drive and not waste too much time getting there. This would be the first time we were purposely sleeping in the same space. Every other time we just kind of fell asleep at the studio. I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page so even before we left the peach state, I informed him that my peaches were off the menu. I was also very honest with him and myself about how I felt about him. But I couldn’t afford to complicate this with sex. It was getting deep enough, and I needed to make sure that if something happened, I wasn’t all blinded. If something went wrong with us, I needed to be able to walk away and be ok. I may have imagined his disappointment, as slight as it was. He stated he understood. So here I was, driving up the winding road to a cabin for a weekend, with a man. I left all of my work at home. 

Time away in the woods was just what the Doctor ordered. We had amazing food delivered and Eli even cooked one of the days that we were out there. He caught some fish, fileted and cleaned him, and he became dinner. I made spaghetti to go with it and we ate underneath the stars. Afterwards we enjoyed each other’s conversations by the fire we built on the deck.

“I want a large deck like this.”

“I could build you a large deck like this.”

“You don’t have much time left before you are to go back to school. What do you plan on doing?”

“I am not native to Georgia, so the plan was to explore,” he said.

“What are you going to do when you finish your doctorate program?” I asked, tossing a pebble off of the porch.

“I double majored for undergrad in social work and urban and social policy.”

I stopped throwing pebbles to look at him.

“Ok and what the hell did you plan on doing with that?”

He looked out over the water and then sat down before answering me. 

“The final plan is to open up shelters for battered women and children and develop some sort of system,”

“A system?”

“Yea, like an underground railroad, for them to get away. Charlie is headed to Morehouse law. He understands my vision and is going to  enforce some changes on the political side. 

“Changes like…?”

“Changes like making a restraining order more than just a piece of paper – ya know? Working on better ways to actually enforce and protect.”

I was speechless and in awe.

“Wow, that’s wonderful.”

“Yea – should be great, you know to be on the positive side of change.” he laughed and told me that he had never shared this out loud with anyone save for his mentor. I don’t know if it was game, don’t know if he was just saying it to make me feel special — but I did feel special. Everything about him made me feel he was genuine.

That was the moment I decided I was all in with him.  As he told me all the places he had visited and the talks he had given I allowed myself to fall for him. We looked up a talk he gave on Domestic violence and education as it pertains to finding your path and excelling that he gave in Denver last year. All the while he was just taking me piece by piece and wrapping me around his finger. And for some reason, this plain handsome man’s ambition just kept making him finer and finer to me.