Left at the Alter

With his tongue in my mouth he guided me from the hall to the inside of PH1, leaving the door slightly ajar. I felt his hands and lips on my neck as he sucked, my nipples hardened as he teased. I felt his hands on my hips, my ass and my thighs. In this moment I did not want to exist in a world where he could not touch me and make me feel like this. My dress hit the ground and I kicked the door to shut it. Before the door could settle into the doorway good, Jeremy had settled inside of me. 

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I didn’t know how long it had been. I sat up fast as the room continued to spin and tried to catch my breath. I looked over as if to check the identity of the man that was moments ago deep inside of me. This was the most peaceful I had ever seen Jeremy. He was softly dozing, the juxtaposition to my post-orgasmic freak-out.  When I finally did catch my breath the reality and monumental guilt that rolled with it was in my face, up close and personal. I brought my fingers up to my lips and struggled with holding my tears back. The release that came with this act of pure sin was off the charts, but I didn’t even deserve it.  This was a beautiful feeling at the most inopportune of times,  Jeremy and I had just created art together. 

I ran into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I re-lotioned and re-dressed. I sent Torre a quick text to see if she could meet me in 5 to freshen up my makeup and tried to straighten up this hair. I sprayed what I had in my purse which didn’t really smell like what I had on earlier but would have to do.

I smacked Jeremy on his still exposed thigh. I had to do it a couple times to make him snap out of it. 

“Wash your ass and get down to my reception.”

He smiled before saying, “I’m never going to wash the smell of you off of me. I would marry you had I not just attended your wedding.”

“That’s not funny, this is not funny. I am not this woman.” I don’t know why I was pleading my case to Jeremy. Everything in me wanted to both love and live with Eli for the rest of eternity and still Jeremy is arousing my most inner feelings. I didn’t want to want this. 

“Jeremy if anyone sees me look at you, they will know. If anyone stands too close to me, they will feel you in my spirit.” I grabbed my purse and did another quick look before heading to the door. Jeremy was on my heels and I put my hand up to his chest. “Please stay away from me. Eli and Anna – they don’t deserve this bullshit.”

“Cass…” he stood up and came closer to me. I put my hand up and backed towards the door again. He put both hands up as if to say you won. Before I could get out of his room he picked his head up and continued, “Cassidy you make me weak.” he stepped closer, “None of us deserve this, hell I don’t know why it happened but I knew when I saw you I had to have you. I know you think you just a fuck and you’re not. We have the craziest connection; I know you feel it. I know today made me less of a man and im sorry for taking advantage of the situation, but Cass I know you feel this connection.”

“Shut up.” I cried, “This shit is serious. I just said I do to the greatest man in the world then came up here and rode you like a G-wagon.”

I reached for the doorknob but before I could twist it, he grabbed my arm. 

“Listen I know I joke around a lot, but I swear im not joking. Somewhere along the way I fell for you. I saw it happening, but I didn’t know how to stop it. Wish I could tell you I regret it, but I only regret how it made you feel in the end.”

I yanked my arm away from him while trying to get all the tears out of my eyes. But he went and stood in-between me and the door. He pulled it open but before letting me through it he turned toward me and said, “Listen, I’ve never met a woman like you and as long as I have breath in my body it will never be too late for us. I’m just gone say that.”

He walked in front of me and out of the door. I used the couple second lag to try to compose myself. I bent over trying to catch my breath. I knew my wedding day couldn’t be normal, but this was way more than I could handle. I thought of the wedding reception that was missing a bride downstairs and gave myself a pep talk. No matter how shitty of a person I was in this instant I still had a job to do. 

I would have to right my wrongs and face my demons at a later time. I bring this up right now and I could kiss my future with Elijah away. I used the powder pad in my purse to freshen myself up, reapplied my lipstick and got ready to head out. 

I rushed out and pulled the door closed behind me. As soon as I was out of the door space and into the hallway I ran dead into Eli.