Left at the Alter

My father rubbed my arm when the three knocks came. He looked at me and smiled, his eyes damp. When the door opened, we did as previously instructed and walked just inside of the doors. Our photographers were waiting and took a multitude of photos before we proceeded down the aisle. If it wasn’t for the photographers who knew when we would have been seen. The door we entered through was in the back of the room on the same level as the guests, not higher up where the parents and grandparents had entered through. The reasoning was twofold; 1., this alleviates the need for me to practice walking on steps in my new wedding shoes and 2., it just throws people off with the added bonus of giving my photographs a great place to get first photos. 

I watched my soon to be husband gasp as I stepped inside the doors. We paused for photos and then my father escorted me down the aisle to him. It may have been a silly time to think about it, but I did. I thought about all the girls that messed it up so that I could have my chance at perfection. What could be so tempting, smell or look so sweet that they wouldn’t take every necessary measure to pour into the longevity and happiness of a future with him? Right behind him, Tony placed his hands on his shoulders and Eli looked behind him briefly and grinned. Jeremy saluted him before they both turned their gaze back to me and suddenly, I wished for someone to slip me another drink of Tequila. 

We approached the makeshift altar at the top of the three steps and my hand was exchanged from my fathers into Elijah’s. Our pastor said a beautiful prayer and then said even kinder words about us. I always find it really easy to stay focused on him during Sunday morning worship when I would go with Eli, but today was a little difficult. As I listened, I tried to keep my thoughts at bay, but they kept sneaking into my head. I don’t know why, hell I knew who I was marrying.

I had taken the necessary precautions after deciding to marry someone. I met him while he was with his friend and spent time with other friends for good measure. I saw how passionate he was about his mother and how he was with Uncle Day and his sisters.  We’ve seen each other intoxicated and the love, protection, connections, and affection are all still there during those times. He was either extremely slow to anger or just didn’t care about much. The way he spoke to me during a lover’s spat spoke volumes about his emotional IQ.  A non-violent man, a nobleman, a man that could pass all that good on to an offspring, a 1 Corinthians 13 man, a man that will be with me always. You make sacrifices for this man and uplift this man and he will in turn respect, protect and provide all the rest of the days of your lives. For a man like this, a man like Eli, when the smoke detector goes off you fight the urge to feed the flames, even if you are a pyromaniac. 

 I said I do and sealed the deal. 

I plastered a smile on my face as Eli and I joined hands and jumped over the decorative broom placed by our feet. The sound of love was all around us as people broke into Congratulations, squeals and applause.  We made it down the aisle and I crossed over into the realm of wifeness. Today our lives with each other began. I was Soon to be knocked up with little Elijahs and my husband had already bought me a nice backyard to run around in. It would be me, Elijah, the miniature Elijahs and the little pit bulls we would buy. 

I suddenly needed to get away to breath. But everywhere I looked someone was coming up to give hugs and congrats. It felt like forever to get out of that room. I saw them swapping out some of the decorations in the back as they began to flip the room into more of a reception than a wedding. The line had died down some but some of our guests still had yet to make their way over. Jeremy had held a fist up to Eli when he passed him. Eli did the same in return and hugged the guest behind him. When Jeremy was in front of me, I tried to will him to keep walking past me. Instead he hugged me like everyone else. His hug did not feel like everyone else’s despite the other night. His hug still made me hot. When he let go, he danced his fingertips quick up my open back and across my neck sending electricity through places Jeremy has no business sending electricity. I quickly shut my eyes, afraid they would give me away. As I was gathering myself for my next hug, I caught Abigail looking at me. She didn’t try to change the disappointment on her face. She had seen us as I had seen her in the driveway the other day. 

“I’m going to get changed,” I told Eli uneasily but with a smile.  

“Ok meet you in a few.” and then he got closer and whispered sexily in my ear “Hey, read this note as soon as you get on the elevator.” He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me. It looked like it was written on a torn piece of the hotel’s stationary. He winked at me and did that thing that guys do with their jackets when they grab the bottom and jerk them down as if pulling the wrinkles out of them. Then he walked away. I watched briefly as the majority of my guests headed to the line for alcohol. It was an open bar so this should keep all of them quite entertained while I changed into my reception dress. I found the nearest door that opened into the hotel and found the elevator. I got on and just stared at all of the numbers. It’s my wedding day and I’m staring at numbers. This should be easy, my reception dress was located on the fourth floor in the room I shared with Torre the night before my nuptials. The doors closed but the elevator stood still awaiting my selection. I am not the type of girl that stares at numbers on her wedding day. I am the type of girl who has a plan for her wedding day and follows it. Not the type that would be thinking of actions that could ruin her wedding day as if they were real fucking options at this point.