Beginning Again

Im not just beginning
Im beginning again
That’s growth 
to know every end aint an end
I stare at the screen terrified 
No charger in sight
20 percent battery when more than half of me has not a half an idea
Of what we gonna write
But 
I knew I needed these keys underneath the pads of my fingers
Like a baby seeks out her binky when uncertainty lingers
Its like a trigger
Overwhelmed, overstimulated pull up a blank doc
Pop a squat tune the world out and shoot your shot
Ideas bouncing around like a rubber band ball on cement walls christened with honey
Paint that blank doc with ideas that pour over and out
Like waterfalls rushing
Scurrying to
Catch the lightening bug at the head before his end goes dim
And disappear into where uncaptured stories go
To be with lost literary friends
Leaving ideas that are missing critical components
And out of order like Mickey D’s ice cream machine is
Defeated
The next thoughts that visit
Tell you give up! a doppelgänger to the end
You don’t think your choosing to listen 
You feel it 
Like 
When the wind cuts to your bones on a December night
This is when faced with fight or flight you must fight
Your words, your lyrics, your story, your vision
Every word, every line, every page, every piece of constructive criticism
Everything that grasps you, nails sharpened with self doubt, puling you to the battlefield of no wins
Pen and paper, voice memos, by a vowel, phone a friend
find that charger
so you can begin
to begin again